Every month we profile a neighborhood resident who’s also a fan of our Facebook page. If you’re not a fan, become one now … we give away loads of free stuff, nearly every day. And, if you’re interested in answering a bunch of goofy questions and being featured in an upcoming profile, email me at kscott@advocatemag.com and include the subject line “I want to be a Facebook profile.”

Kelly Tomlinson. Photo by Can Türkyilmaz.

This month, meet 46-year-old Kelly Tomlinson, a musician/ maintenance man who lives in Oak Cliff. He’s been married to wife Kate for 20 years and they have two kids, two dogs and one cat. He can’t recommend one neighborhood restaurant — he can recommend 10 (and we think that’s pretty awesome).

What’s a little known fact about you?
I am related to a famous American Indian Chief and a defender of the Alamo, from different branches of the family, of course.

What’s your most embarrassing moment?
It would be having my second most embarrassing moment published in the local newspaper!

What would your career be if you could do it all over again without consequences?
I would still be a musician, just with platinum records all over the walls of my mansion.

What’s the one thing you wish you could do but are reasonably sure you never will?
Venture into outer space.

What makes you laugh out loud?
Besides hearing my children laugh, anything absurd makes me laugh. I often find gut-busting humor in things nobody else thinks is very funny.

What’s your most treasured possession?
Most of the things I treasure I don’t actually posses, like my family. So, my truck, my dogs and my musical instruments. I still have a POW-MIA bracelet with a lost pilot’s name on it from 1968. I wore it for 12 years, until it wore into a sharp blade and kept cutting me on my wrist. It has sat on my bedside table for 10 years now.

What’s your strangest or most random Facebook Friend connection?
I actually have a few of those! I posted something on a page for wait staff to complain about customers that don’t tip, and a random person I made laugh befriended me because of it. We’ve actually talked a lot since then! I searched my own name and became friends with a nice blond lady living in Dallas that shares my name. We talk about our kids. My postings really baffled her father-in-law at one point, and I’ve since become his friend, too! I had a relative that used to have a few paintings by a popular Ft Worth artist that I really liked. I found he was friends with another friend of mine on Facebook, so I befriended him. We shared some political ideology and I gave him some pointers on pursuing blues harp as a hobby. Imagine finding somebody whose work you admired for decades and having a real conversation with them about things that matter instead of just saying, “Uh, I really admire your work,” and staring at your shoes. Awkward. Way better than shaking hands with him at an art show just so I could say I met him.

What did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was really young I wanted to be a cowboy or a racecar driver. At about the age of 12, I wanted to learn how to play the bass. I don’t even know why I decided that.

What’s one question you think other Facebook Fans could help you answer?
What did you have for dinner? Food seems to be a big topic for posting. I have one friend who takes pics of his food at restaurants and posts them while he’s eating!

If you could only eat at one neighborhood restaurant for the rest of your life, which would it be?
Tough question!! I would have to go with Tejano’s. They have a pretty exhaustive menu for Tex-Mex. Also, some Mexican seafood, plus some good American food for variety, too. Now, for a last meal, I would pick Hattie’s. For a typical lunch, it would be the Greek Bakery. For a good-time dinner with friends, Eno’s. For breakfast, El Jordan. To impress out-of-town visitors, La Calle Doce or Ranchito’s. For quick dinner, El Si Hay or Cesar’s. We love Zen Sushi for celebrations. There are so many good places around here, and each has its place, but for “the rest of my life” it would have to be Tejano’s.

How would you explain your neighborhood to someone living in, say, Newfoundland?
I wouldn’t even try. They might want to move here!

Whole Foods, Central Market, Kroger, Tom Thumb or somewhere else — where do you grocery shop and why?
Fiesta! Great prices, party music, and a taqueria by the entrance! Plus, it’s like a little trip to Mexico every time I walk in the door.

What brings a smile to your face every time?
My children laughing.

What item in your closet is most humiliating?
An expensive pair of boots I bought too small and just can’t seem to wear for more than a couple of hours at a time. Every time I look at them I think why didn’t I buy the 11s?

What do you miss about the you from 10 or 20 years ago?
Just the youth, everything else has gotten better!

What do you love about the age you’re at now?
It’s the perfect combination of youth and wisdom.

What are some jobs you’ve held in the past?
I’ve been a lifeguard, a Boy Scout camp counselor, a busboy, a tour guide at a museum and assisted in running the laser light show and the box office. I’ve managed bars and booked bands. I’ve done non-cash collections for a failed bank, maintenance work at a swingers’ club and sold frozen catfish door-to-door. I have telemarketed swimming pools, Hawaiian time-shares and symphony tickets, owned a print shop (which includes running a printing press and graphic design for 14 years), drove hotshot deliveries, hung curtains, and DJed. Now, I get paid to play the bass. Not much, but I get paid!

What celebrity would you most like to meet for coffee and why?
The Dali Lama. He has wisdom I can only dream of possessing, and I know I would leave a better person.

What’s your favorite guilty-pleasure website?
Exploring unknown bands at reverbnation.com

Do you have a favorite quote?
I have a lot of them on my Facebook page. I think my favorite is probably Abraham Lincoln: “I never met a virtuous man that didn’t have a vice.”

What are you afraid of, rationally or irrationally?
Being poked in the eye and bees/wasps!

If you could import the brain of any person, living or dead, into your own noggin, whose would it be?
That’s a weird question. Am I still me? Do I get both my and my person’s traits? Probably Buddha.

Who is your hero and why?
My hero would have to be the single parent that slugs it out in the trenches every single day for a brood of kids.

Would you skydive in the most beautiful place in the world? Why or why not?
I am ambivalent to skydiving. It just doesn’t matter. I would never seek it out and pay for it myself. If I were to skydive, the location wouldn’t be nearly as important as the landing!

Do you have any benign confessions to make?
I am hopelessly addicted to Disney’s massive multiplayer online role-playing game, Toontown. I spend hours every week playing and have been at it for four years.

When did you realize you were no longer a child?
The second I got my first paycheck from my first job busing tables for Bill Martin’s 2nd Edition Seafood Restaurant in Fort Worth. I bought a bass guitar from the Sears catalog that same afternoon.